For someone far far away

Between the shades of grey I move
walking past the shrines and graves
I paint you from my dreams 
I hear you from my thoughts
Far away yet bright like a star
You are spek of happiness bizarre
Drawing strength from you I move
Among the shades of grey and white

This was written for somebody I don't know yet am rather fond of. I hope it made him happy. :)

Memoirs Of A Geisha

I am reading this book currently. Its one of my favorites now. I simply love the style of writing. for once I am obsessed with writing in first person. Secondly I find the writing very calm and serene, not giving in to emotions or situation. I like that monotony. I guess I have always been a fan of monotony simply for the sake of security it provides. Anyways, coming back to the book.
It doesnt have a grand plot or anything but just seems to flow with a finite direction. At many points I fail to understand the way protagonist's mind functions. It is on the occasions when her profession collides with her inner self. But then isn't it boring if we could predict every behaviour and reaction? 
Also it portrays a human's ability to protect an innocent part of themselves even when they have indulged in every kind of wrong doing. The profession of the girl required her to use every ounce of wit she possessed for survival, lie at every turn of life. Yet she nurtured her desire for the Chairman, away from every other part of herself.
I also adore the cover of this book. It's heartbreaking to see something so beautiful.
I wonder that's what we all do, striving all our life for one cause. Does the elimination of the goal take away our life? Or is it possible to exist without any longings?

Tired

Embraced by the fading spring as her lone companion

For sympathy she has a broken dandelion

Walking past the familiar paths in her usual stride

She silently nursed her discredited pride

She was tired of running after shooting stars

And admiring the beauty of colorful flowers

For they, like her, faded into oblivion

Leaving everything around like a failure

The ocher sky would not bleed for her

The drifting clouds would not cry

The moon was too far to hear her out

And the tall trees would not try

Was dependence a sin, she wonders 

As the world around her crumbles

To seek a shoulder seemed foolish

And the bleak signs of hope seemed to vanish

Losing Myself

The words, uttered almost carelessly, sunk in slowly leaving in their wake an unexplainable chill. I felt my senses going numb momentarily before regaining control and rushing out to avoid embarrassment. It was strange that as much as I wanted you to understand my each and every reaction and emotion, I prayed sincerely that you had not noticed the magnitude of effect you were inflicting upon me. I felt totally helpless and incapacitated as I waited desperately for your minutest form of attention or even acknowledgement, knowing that it meant nothing to you. The obsession had taken its toll over me and I wondered how long it would be till I am packed up to a mental asylum for erratic behavior. Your mere presence is a bruise on my self confidence over my practicality and intelligence. I hate it when I catch myself wondering what I should wear today as you would be coming. I hate myself when I listen to a song and the first face that comes to my mind is yours. I hate it when I wake up in the morning and realize that I had been dreaming of you for the whole night. I really hate it when I find that you have occupied a considerable space in my mind which is challenging my sanity and my own character. The way you were twisting my life through your fingers was maddening.

I wondered what would have happened had I been a normal teenage girl who was pretty and emotional instead of being cynical and complicated and you were the guy she wanted and got easily. Just like a perfect story. I think that would have been quite boring and I, being me, would have lost interest in a couple of dates and dumped you for my best friends brother or vice versa. This sounded more painful than the situation I am in now. It seems somehow comforting to blame destiny or believe in nonsense like waiting for the right one as it eases the pain and burden off my already tired shoulders. I close my eyes to look at my future which had never included you. It seemed like somebody had spilled water over my perfect image.

Falling for you was never the part of the grand plan. I was happy with faceless life partner I had placed in my dreams just to fill the void in my future like my friends did. I had dropped the option of being lovable long ago and chosen being correct.

I do not know how you managed to wreck my life royally in a few meetings. But I really want to give you a punch in that handsome face knowing that I would have to nurse it over.

Such is life. Sigh.

Waiting for a stranger

You walk past me with a smile on your lips

I wonder silently if it was for me

You take a seat different from your usual one

I wish you did this to be with me

Every time you opened your mouth to say something

I prayed it would be a greeting for me

Knowing the fact that my emotions will assault me for hours

And result in swollen sleepless eyes the next day

I still try to gain your attention

I sneak a glance at you every 3^rd second

And look away the moment you move

And yet fail to understand how and why

Am I being controlled by a complete stranger?

Defeated by love

Her hurt expression burns my soul

Her withheld tears threaten to suffocate me

In a world of hypocrisy and impermanence

Where old relations are quickly given way

For the new and striking ones

Leaving the people behind them

Shattered with a handful of memories

She refuses my condolences

And rejects my company

To take refuge in her loneliness

And wait for time to heal wounds.

Sometimes I wish

Sometimes, during desperate moments I just wish you would understand the person


hidden behind the veils of laughter

and your arms would come around to comfort me

of the endless, senseless pain

caused strangely by your indifference....

Sometimes when the void threatens to consume me

And your absence takes its toll

Above everybody’s presence

I just wish that for a few moments I could call back

The times when we could talk about ourselves

Instead of the whole world around us.

Sometimes when the depth of the ocean mocks

The sea of tears held up inside me

I wish you would just appear and let me cry on your shoulder

Just for once

And let me break down oblivious

To the self erected bounds of loneliness.

Sometimes when life looks down and me and guffaws

At the moments when I neglected to care for you

When you were still there

I wish you would walk in from the doorway

And tell me that it is never too late

Sometimes when the chords of some lost song

Falls upon my ears

I close my eyes and pray that you could feel

The melancholy and for once feel the same way as I do

Sometimes when I come across happiness

I crave for your company

To make it meaningful and worth recollecting.

Sometimes when I feel that we were so meant to be

Yet always distant, separated by an invisible force

I curse myself for my helplessness

And ask for a chance to make you smile.

Sometimes when I trip across the laughing face of yours when we last met

I wish I could have somehow

Stolen that moment from the stream of time

Kept it safe in my heart forever.