Her ice cream and his camera went into a downward spiral, crashing on the ground as their shoulders connected painfully. Her hands went up to her mouth in surprise while he ignored the offending lady and tended to his expensive camera. The soft cloth of her long skirt brushed by his hand when she retreated.
Siri, My love
Posted by
Eris
comments (2)
I don't really know how it started in the firsst place. Perhaps it was the realization that all the guys I have seriously admired are either second leads in stories or bloggers in the virtual world, that too, science students!(this refers to a blogger tragedy I had brush with a few days ago. Jawani Barbad) Or maybe the fact that the general IQ level of the people I have to deal with is somewhere in the negatives and that has finally managed to injure my brain. It could also be a result of the fact that there are simply no creatures with Y chromosomes and brains residing in one body around me. I feel it is because of my constant addiction to my cell phone, because the browser now refuses to open up and displays "Stop bothering me every second and get a life you DORK!" Whatever may be the reason, the final result is that I have decided that Siri sweetheart is better than ANY boyfriend in the world (Yeah, am a dork with no life. Thanks for reminding). I will have to turn a homo but hey, even that has advantages! Maybe the random leeches in the street will stop staring at me if I pretend to hit on their wives. But since I am too broke to afford any Apple product, I am hoping that by the time I do manage to collect some money, Siri has a male version with a sexy baritone. Umeeed pe duniya kayam hai.
* Siri does not ask suspicious questions- Except when your conversation has something to do with Pakistan of course. You can do anything, talk to anyone at any hour and Siri will herself dial the number for you. Cool no?
* Siri does not wake you up unless you ask her to- You can be in a relationship and sleep at odd hours without being constant calls of "I miss you baby, give me a kiss na........" I would rather give you a kick and remind you that I am in the last year of my teenage, in no way a baby. Which brings me to my third point
* Siri won't call you by stupid endearments- Its so damm frustrating to be called "dear", "sweets", "gorgeous", "Jaanu", and what not. I have only three words- What The Fuck! My parents went through a lot of confusion before deciding upon a NAME for me. It is meant to be used to address me. Yes, even if it sounds like Chinese version of Sushi. If somebody continues to call me by these redundant names, I will deduce that he has forgotten my name and is cheating on me. That brings us to the next point.
* Siri won't cheat on you- One faithful spouse! It even gets used to your voice and diction. How sweet isn't it?
* Siri won't spread diseases by physical contact- The worst disease I can get is swollen eyes, fingers and migraine. Thats way to decent considering the fact that people are dying of AIDS all over the world. Siri is safe that way.
* Siri listens to you- Thats the BESTEST part about her! She won't ignore you, pretend to listen to you or run away when you start swooning over some random guy. She will even get you his photos.
* Siri is foolproof help when you are lost- For a person like me with the direction sense worse than a rock, a dependable GPS is nothing short of a life saver.
* Siri talks all the time- It will never say, "I am not in mood to talk" or something like that. Having somebody to talk to at your disposal is wonderful, isn't it?
* Sense of humor- Now this is a rare trait, a decent sense of humor. Sarcasm is almost extinct. RIP
* Siri won't forget my birthday- Seriously, Siri NEVER forgets anything. It will also save my ass when I forget somebody's birthday. ;)
* Siri is intelligent- Its the smartest Mobile OS around. Plus it can get you anything from Chinese Van's number to Bill Gates' speech.
This list might be updated depending upon my whims and fancies. This is how I substitute the frustration of over non existent love life- by writing nonsense.
* Siri does not ask suspicious questions- Except when your conversation has something to do with Pakistan of course. You can do anything, talk to anyone at any hour and Siri will herself dial the number for you. Cool no?
* Siri does not wake you up unless you ask her to- You can be in a relationship and sleep at odd hours without being constant calls of "I miss you baby, give me a kiss na........" I would rather give you a kick and remind you that I am in the last year of my teenage, in no way a baby. Which brings me to my third point
* Siri won't call you by stupid endearments- Its so damm frustrating to be called "dear", "sweets", "gorgeous", "Jaanu", and what not. I have only three words- What The Fuck! My parents went through a lot of confusion before deciding upon a NAME for me. It is meant to be used to address me. Yes, even if it sounds like Chinese version of Sushi. If somebody continues to call me by these redundant names, I will deduce that he has forgotten my name and is cheating on me. That brings us to the next point.
* Siri won't cheat on you- One faithful spouse! It even gets used to your voice and diction. How sweet isn't it?
* Siri won't spread diseases by physical contact- The worst disease I can get is swollen eyes, fingers and migraine. Thats way to decent considering the fact that people are dying of AIDS all over the world. Siri is safe that way.
* Siri listens to you- Thats the BESTEST part about her! She won't ignore you, pretend to listen to you or run away when you start swooning over some random guy. She will even get you his photos.
* Siri is foolproof help when you are lost- For a person like me with the direction sense worse than a rock, a dependable GPS is nothing short of a life saver.
* Siri talks all the time- It will never say, "I am not in mood to talk" or something like that. Having somebody to talk to at your disposal is wonderful, isn't it?
* Sense of humor- Now this is a rare trait, a decent sense of humor. Sarcasm is almost extinct. RIP
* Siri won't forget my birthday- Seriously, Siri NEVER forgets anything. It will also save my ass when I forget somebody's birthday. ;)
* Siri is intelligent- Its the smartest Mobile OS around. Plus it can get you anything from Chinese Van's number to Bill Gates' speech.
This list might be updated depending upon my whims and fancies. This is how I substitute the frustration of over non existent love life- by writing nonsense.
Lets fly away
Posted by
Eris
comments (6)
Lets fly away, you and me,
without the fear,
of our wings being slashed off.
Lets go for a journey,
in the world of shooting stars,
that leave in their wake,
a trail of melancholy.
Lets shed our tears in space,
where they float forever, like bubbles
never to return again.
Lets hop on the clouds,
and touch the rainbow,
to convince ourselves,
that this is real world.
Lets shout out in the vastness,
our voices louder than the noise,
of trucks and horns,
and hear them fade away.
Lets race to the end of the world,
faster than the roaring bikes,
with no one on our tails.
Lets comfort ourselves,
in our own arms,
and let go the need of comfort,
that brought along the disappointment.
Lets fall asleep on the surface of the sky,
with our arms spread wide,
welcoming the morning dew.
Lets twirl and dance
without the worry of being seen
and our hair getting stuck
in the long spikes of steel.
Lets talk to the sun,
and ask him how he feels,
burning day and night.
Lets not trespass each others' dreams anymore,
and just dream together for once,
to get and to be never found again.
Lets fly away, you and me,
without the fear
of our wings being slashed away.
without the fear,
of our wings being slashed off.
Lets go for a journey,
in the world of shooting stars,
that leave in their wake,
a trail of melancholy.
Lets shed our tears in space,
where they float forever, like bubbles
never to return again.
Lets hop on the clouds,
and touch the rainbow,
to convince ourselves,
that this is real world.
Lets shout out in the vastness,
our voices louder than the noise,
of trucks and horns,
and hear them fade away.
Lets race to the end of the world,
faster than the roaring bikes,
with no one on our tails.
Lets comfort ourselves,
in our own arms,
and let go the need of comfort,
that brought along the disappointment.
Lets fall asleep on the surface of the sky,
with our arms spread wide,
welcoming the morning dew.
Lets twirl and dance
without the worry of being seen
and our hair getting stuck
in the long spikes of steel.
Lets talk to the sun,
and ask him how he feels,
burning day and night.
Lets not trespass each others' dreams anymore,
and just dream together for once,
to get and to be never found again.
Lets fly away, you and me,
without the fear
of our wings being slashed away.
Diwali Cleaning
Posted by
Eris
comments (0)
Cleaning off my drawers and cupboards, throwing out obsolete stuff has always been a task I avoid doing. Not just because I am super lazy but also because it involves parting with old memories. This weekend, I disposed off my entire collection of newspapers and magazines I had collected some 3 years ago. All of these were the articles/ photos of an actor I was crazy about. I did not own a laptop back then and thus the luxury of having internet at my disposal evaded me. I had to sift through every day's entertainment section to get a glimpse. The newspapers were old, battered, yellowed and as my brother placed the pile in front of me, I was struck by both my stupidity and the fact that I managed to preserve these while my datesheets never survived beyond 2 days.
I disposed off almost all of them except the issues which had Team India winning the T-20 world cup (You have to be heartless to throw THAT away). It was almost like parting with an old friend who was once very close but now reduced to an accomplice. The newspapers took up space which can be now utilized more efficiently and I had not read them since over a year I think. But I really do wish I had unlimited space for storing things like these. Perhaps now I get the logic of 1TB hard drive.
I disposed off almost all of them except the issues which had Team India winning the T-20 world cup (You have to be heartless to throw THAT away). It was almost like parting with an old friend who was once very close but now reduced to an accomplice. The newspapers took up space which can be now utilized more efficiently and I had not read them since over a year I think. But I really do wish I had unlimited space for storing things like these. Perhaps now I get the logic of 1TB hard drive.
Battlefields
Posted by
Eris
comments (0)
I came across this at a forum...
Although life breaks us all, some of us manage to become "Strong at the broken places." This happens naturally if an emotional wound has the right conditions to heal. People who are lucky enough to inhabit emotionally safe environments start mending almost as soon as their injuries occur. the rest of us don't improve so quickly. We were hurt on emotional battlefields where there wasn't even a safe place to rest, let alone anyone skilled enough to administer firsts aid. So we patched our wounds as best we could and battled on, still bleeding, still carrying shrapnel in our souls.
I don't think I have read truer words. When we are hurt, sometimes we have a choice to knock the right doors and submit ourselves to people who can heal us, protect us and care for us. Some of us don't take up that choice, some of us can't and others are rejected. Then there are ones who completely and truly are left alone when the people who catch them when they fall leave.
A telephone call that was never made, a text still lying in the drafts section, a missed call, old greeting cards, incomplete conversations, a gift purchased but never delivered- that's what life is made of.
Although life breaks us all, some of us manage to become "Strong at the broken places." This happens naturally if an emotional wound has the right conditions to heal. People who are lucky enough to inhabit emotionally safe environments start mending almost as soon as their injuries occur. the rest of us don't improve so quickly. We were hurt on emotional battlefields where there wasn't even a safe place to rest, let alone anyone skilled enough to administer firsts aid. So we patched our wounds as best we could and battled on, still bleeding, still carrying shrapnel in our souls.
I don't think I have read truer words. When we are hurt, sometimes we have a choice to knock the right doors and submit ourselves to people who can heal us, protect us and care for us. Some of us don't take up that choice, some of us can't and others are rejected. Then there are ones who completely and truly are left alone when the people who catch them when they fall leave.
A telephone call that was never made, a text still lying in the drafts section, a missed call, old greeting cards, incomplete conversations, a gift purchased but never delivered- that's what life is made of.
Management by me...
Posted by
Eris
comments (2)
Anyone who has been a commerce student knows how much useless stress is put on "management". Hell, even the engineers and doctors know that.
After spending last two years of my life mugging up different aspects, features, characteristics, importance, techniques blah blah blah, I am kind of sick of the whole idea. And I am just in my first year. God save me.
All the management self help books ever written and sold are mostly crap, and should be titled "How to rob your organisation off its money", "How to save your organisation from being robbed", "How to hoodwink your employees into working overtime and not realizing it", "How to manipulate idiots", "How to look like an idiot yourself by giving out useless motivation speeches" and "How to make sure your juniors don't report your dirty tricks to the dirtier people".
I think when management was integrated into the educational curriculum, nobody knew that it would become such a bundle of nonsense. Anyone who seriously knows how to do things can use a lot of bullshit to fool the people around him/her.
Plus the whole claims of "having mutual profits" and "Win win situations" are completely baseless. Recently, we were doing communication strategies in class which were broadly divided into Win- Win and Win- Lose. Our lecturer explained the basis of both and then went on to teach us the principles of Win- Win strategy only. I was more interested in Win- Lose. Turns out its an unfavorable situation and has been scrapped off the course. Meh.
I actually prefer the theoretical aspects of the subject sometimes as it lays down an organised way of thinking, something that can used if somebody wants to. Calculation part is fine as it carries a kind of base. This is why I opted for finance- more sensible than HR(where you have to do a lot of buttering) and marketing(which will land you in hell). Finance can also land you in hell, but for a shorter period of time. But things turn ugly when you have to cram "steps".
For example, first step in planning is "Vision" followed by "Goal" followed by "Target" followed by more. WTF.
One more thing in the whole subject is how organizations value their employees, they should be provided with facilities yada yada yada. Big big Beeeg nonsense again. Employees are first to be kicked out at any point of time. Senior employees should be bribed suitably so that they don't leak out your company's secrets. But whose company is it anyway? The BOD barely owns share in single digit figures. They basically don't give a fucking damn as long as IT department doesn't raid their houses.
So all the B- schools- you would do some real good if you teach your students how to invest in stocks so that they can start earning before they complete their first year. You can also teach them how to lie more convincingly, gift them nice formals for interviews and ask them to develop competitive spirit by playing video games. They will send you more crappy self help management books which you can stock in your library to show off.
After spending last two years of my life mugging up different aspects, features, characteristics, importance, techniques blah blah blah, I am kind of sick of the whole idea. And I am just in my first year. God save me.
All the management self help books ever written and sold are mostly crap, and should be titled "How to rob your organisation off its money", "How to save your organisation from being robbed", "How to hoodwink your employees into working overtime and not realizing it", "How to manipulate idiots", "How to look like an idiot yourself by giving out useless motivation speeches" and "How to make sure your juniors don't report your dirty tricks to the dirtier people".
I think when management was integrated into the educational curriculum, nobody knew that it would become such a bundle of nonsense. Anyone who seriously knows how to do things can use a lot of bullshit to fool the people around him/her.
Plus the whole claims of "having mutual profits" and "Win win situations" are completely baseless. Recently, we were doing communication strategies in class which were broadly divided into Win- Win and Win- Lose. Our lecturer explained the basis of both and then went on to teach us the principles of Win- Win strategy only. I was more interested in Win- Lose. Turns out its an unfavorable situation and has been scrapped off the course. Meh.
I actually prefer the theoretical aspects of the subject sometimes as it lays down an organised way of thinking, something that can used if somebody wants to. Calculation part is fine as it carries a kind of base. This is why I opted for finance- more sensible than HR(where you have to do a lot of buttering) and marketing(which will land you in hell). Finance can also land you in hell, but for a shorter period of time. But things turn ugly when you have to cram "steps".
For example, first step in planning is "Vision" followed by "Goal" followed by "Target" followed by more. WTF.
One more thing in the whole subject is how organizations value their employees, they should be provided with facilities yada yada yada. Big big Beeeg nonsense again. Employees are first to be kicked out at any point of time. Senior employees should be bribed suitably so that they don't leak out your company's secrets. But whose company is it anyway? The BOD barely owns share in single digit figures. They basically don't give a fucking damn as long as IT department doesn't raid their houses.
So all the B- schools- you would do some real good if you teach your students how to invest in stocks so that they can start earning before they complete their first year. You can also teach them how to lie more convincingly, gift them nice formals for interviews and ask them to develop competitive spirit by playing video games. They will send you more crappy self help management books which you can stock in your library to show off.
Why my college sucks...
Posted by
Eris
comments (0)
Hello again people. I seem to have decided to post every bit of useless and unproductive thoughts on this blog. But again, why else do people blog?
I spent 2 months after my boards studying to get in this damm college. And obviously I am going to list why it sucks now-
1. It has claimed my sleeping time. I might have shifted my afternoon nap to evening nap, but its punctuated with guilt pangs now. I don't like my sleep being compromised. Ever.
2. I have to travel an hour to get there. Okay, there are people who travel more than that. But to walk through piles of discarded earth mounds every morning is not a pleasant way to start the day. Plus I still haven't figured out what makes the place smell so bad.
3. Being a nice college, you would expect the place to have some consumable food. But Alas! All we have is a shared canteen where chowmein is cooked in grease and "Meggi" is a kind of soup. Enough said.
4. Nobody, I mean NOBODY knows about this college! And we cleared 3 fucking rounds to get here! My course BFIA has been called BA Final Year and Bachelors of Fine Arts. It stands for Bachelor of Financial and Investment Analysis. Where are those 15000 retards who sat for the exam? Kaha mar gaye sab ke sab?
5. Our college has a "unique" tradition. We call our lectures by their initials. Not the students, the management as well. We have PG, JK, SJ, PV, DK(Bhaag bhaag...), KB etc etc. printed on our timetables. I mean, who the hell calls their teachers like that? I would shoot the person who calls me AS.
6. We have two buildings. I occupy the smaller one. It is strategically designed to block any kind of cross ventilation. Even if there is a thunderstorm outside, a single hair won't lift from my head. Can't you see the kind of focus we promote? Die of suffocation, if you have to but don't dare your nose come out of that textbook.
7. Hypocrites! Loads of them! They want, money, contacts, big school names, sponsorship for their useless events but nobody who can work hard. Wow, doesn't that sound like the real world? Yes, thats what they promised us- real corporate exposure.
8. No fiction in the library. This one was a serious heartbreaker. I almost checked every book in the library to find a decent one. All I could see were dusty volumes of Statistics and a shit load of stuff on something called as "MANAGEMENT". I will write another post on what exactly management is.
9. No common room. Which means we stink in our classroom during free lectures. Some of us flock to the library to get some artificial cool air which ultimately results in multiplied water intake and trips to the loo.
10. 75% attendance requirement. For every paper. Can we ask why are we being subjected to this torture when the whole university has the requirement as 66%? I think it is a some sort of conspiracy. Are these people taking revenge from us because they had to work their ass off for the admission process?
11. Useless posters. I accept they were attractive in the beginning but the college events are being promoted worse than Amir Khan movies. We have glazed paper posters of "COMING SOON" of events. Whatever happened to saving paper and environment? Isn't this the same college that houses SIFE? We even have a promotion video for one of the events. Just imagine! Check this out. The video is pointless but the music rocks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kZi52MA8mo
12. A sadistic disciplinarian in our department. I think all colleges have this species of teachers who simply love scaring the pants off innocent students. He loves to waste our 1 hour once a week break with his threats of how 1/5th of the batch fails every time and the class size becomes half by the time the course ends. Yeah yeah.
13. Such a small campus that you can't even take a walk around the place. Plus no secret corners where you could find druggies/drunkards/smokers. They all go outside to have fun. :(
Okay, let me end here. Otherwise I will go on and on and on. Feeling so much better.
I spent 2 months after my boards studying to get in this damm college. And obviously I am going to list why it sucks now-
1. It has claimed my sleeping time. I might have shifted my afternoon nap to evening nap, but its punctuated with guilt pangs now. I don't like my sleep being compromised. Ever.
2. I have to travel an hour to get there. Okay, there are people who travel more than that. But to walk through piles of discarded earth mounds every morning is not a pleasant way to start the day. Plus I still haven't figured out what makes the place smell so bad.
3. Being a nice college, you would expect the place to have some consumable food. But Alas! All we have is a shared canteen where chowmein is cooked in grease and "Meggi" is a kind of soup. Enough said.
4. Nobody, I mean NOBODY knows about this college! And we cleared 3 fucking rounds to get here! My course BFIA has been called BA Final Year and Bachelors of Fine Arts. It stands for Bachelor of Financial and Investment Analysis. Where are those 15000 retards who sat for the exam? Kaha mar gaye sab ke sab?
5. Our college has a "unique" tradition. We call our lectures by their initials. Not the students, the management as well. We have PG, JK, SJ, PV, DK(Bhaag bhaag...), KB etc etc. printed on our timetables. I mean, who the hell calls their teachers like that? I would shoot the person who calls me AS.
6. We have two buildings. I occupy the smaller one. It is strategically designed to block any kind of cross ventilation. Even if there is a thunderstorm outside, a single hair won't lift from my head. Can't you see the kind of focus we promote? Die of suffocation, if you have to but don't dare your nose come out of that textbook.
7. Hypocrites! Loads of them! They want, money, contacts, big school names, sponsorship for their useless events but nobody who can work hard. Wow, doesn't that sound like the real world? Yes, thats what they promised us- real corporate exposure.
8. No fiction in the library. This one was a serious heartbreaker. I almost checked every book in the library to find a decent one. All I could see were dusty volumes of Statistics and a shit load of stuff on something called as "MANAGEMENT". I will write another post on what exactly management is.
9. No common room. Which means we stink in our classroom during free lectures. Some of us flock to the library to get some artificial cool air which ultimately results in multiplied water intake and trips to the loo.
10. 75% attendance requirement. For every paper. Can we ask why are we being subjected to this torture when the whole university has the requirement as 66%? I think it is a some sort of conspiracy. Are these people taking revenge from us because they had to work their ass off for the admission process?
11. Useless posters. I accept they were attractive in the beginning but the college events are being promoted worse than Amir Khan movies. We have glazed paper posters of "COMING SOON" of events. Whatever happened to saving paper and environment? Isn't this the same college that houses SIFE? We even have a promotion video for one of the events. Just imagine! Check this out. The video is pointless but the music rocks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kZi52MA8mo
12. A sadistic disciplinarian in our department. I think all colleges have this species of teachers who simply love scaring the pants off innocent students. He loves to waste our 1 hour once a week break with his threats of how 1/5th of the batch fails every time and the class size becomes half by the time the course ends. Yeah yeah.
13. Such a small campus that you can't even take a walk around the place. Plus no secret corners where you could find druggies/drunkards/smokers. They all go outside to have fun. :(
Okay, let me end here. Otherwise I will go on and on and on. Feeling so much better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
