The words, uttered almost carelessly, sunk in slowly leaving in their wake an unexplainable chill. I felt my senses going numb momentarily before regaining control and rushing out to avoid embarrassment. It was strange that as much as I wanted you to understand my each and every reaction and emotion, I prayed sincerely that you had not noticed the magnitude of effect you were inflicting upon me. I felt totally helpless and incapacitated as I waited desperately for your minutest form of attention or even acknowledgement, knowing that it meant nothing to you. The obsession had taken its toll over me and I wondered how long it would be till I am packed up to a mental asylum for erratic behavior. Your mere presence is a bruise on my self confidence over my practicality and intelligence. I hate it when I catch myself wondering what I should wear today as you would be coming. I hate myself when I listen to a song and the first face that comes to my mind is yours. I hate it when I wake up in the morning and realize that I had been dreaming of you for the whole night. I really hate it when I find that you have occupied a considerable space in my mind which is challenging my sanity and my own character. The way you were twisting my life through your fingers was maddening.
I wondered what would have happened had I been a normal teenage girl who was pretty and emotional instead of being cynical and complicated and you were the guy she wanted and got easily. Just like a perfect story. I think that would have been quite boring and I, being me, would have lost interest in a couple of dates and dumped you for my best friends brother or vice versa. This sounded more painful than the situation I am in now. It seems somehow comforting to blame destiny or believe in nonsense like waiting for the right one as it eases the pain and burden off my already tired shoulders. I close my eyes to look at my future which had never included you. It seemed like somebody had spilled water over my perfect image.
Falling for you was never the part of the grand plan. I was happy with faceless life partner I had placed in my dreams just to fill the void in my future like my friends did. I had dropped the option of being lovable long ago and chosen being correct.
I do not know how you managed to wreck my life royally in a few meetings. But I really want to give you a punch in that handsome face knowing that I would have to nurse it over.
Such is life. Sigh.
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