Love died a thousand deaths...

Love died a thousand deaths

On the day you betrayed me
For the moment that separated us
Froze for eternity

Your fading footsteps roared in my ears
And were echoes of the dreaded end
Your cold eyes bore into mine
Crushing the trust they held for you
And left the questions unanswered
What have I done not to deserve you?

Love died a thousand deaths
On the day you betrayed me
For the sky that witnessed my torn heart
Cried for days ceaselessly
My soul trapped in the burning quagmire
Of confusion and pain howled your name
My every feeling shattered by your treachery
My every hope dampened

For love died a thousand deaths
On the day you betrayed me
The ground that bore my trembling weight
Is still afraid to let lovers walk over it
As they hold hands and dream on for a future
That may never even exist

The crumpled heap of flowers
are still lying on the fork
Where we parted ways
Never to meet again

My heart is still beating
In the hope of your return
If not forever then just moment
With the same affection reflected in your
And that can be the last thing I have to see
In this ever fateful life….

[P.S. most dramatic post of the lot, this was concieved while I was reading an update of a highly melodramic TV serial... :D]

Nothing matters...

Her eyes followed his feet as he circled the sacred fire and with every passing moment, her thought process slowed down. He stopped and allowed his bride take the lead as instructed by the priest. She had never seen him look so serious in his whole life while he concentrated upon the ceremonies but his eyes glittered with happiness. They completed the rounds and settled down for the rituals. He caught her eye and flashed her a grin which she unconsciously returned. His smile was always worth returning. The only reason why she was standing here all dressed up even as her heart cried and wailed. Her eyes were dry and her smile was genuine- watching her best friend getting married to the love of his life- someone for whom he had suffered so much, someone for whom he had longed since he was a teenager- was more painful than she expected it to be.



She was the one who had convinced her parents into giving him a chance to prove him- and he did! She was the one who decorated their nuptial bedroom and selected his outfit for the wedding. But in all this happiness, he had forgotten to look into her eyes see the tornado of feelings inside them. She had scheduled a meeting for his wedding day so as to present a believable excuse for missing the marriage. When he had heard of it, he gave her a long appraising look and said in a cold voice, “You- will miss my wedding? Very nice…”


She looked at him helplessly as he shrugged and continued with the newspaper. After a few moments of silence, he declared, “I don’t care how you manage; I want you here on 22nd December for sure.”


And here she was, unable to ignore him, watching the love of her life exchange vows with his love. Her mother came and stood beside her and whispered in her ear, “Are you alright?”


She glanced and her and did not reply. She sensed it and held her hand reassuringly as he tied the mangalsutra around her neck, binding them together for life.


“If he is happy, nothing else matters…” she thought years later as she played with his son.

Broken Innocence

I wake up with a start, very abruptly. Maybe it was because of the mangled dream I was having. I lift my head and look around the tiny room hidden the shadows of small broken and cheap buildings. A man is standing near the edge of the bed, buttoning up his shirt. He pulls out a bundle of notes and throws it down on my bed and sneers at me before leaving. It has been like that for years- wake up daily in unknown surroundings and see money thrown at you like you are a dog. Every night a guy would come to claim me- rather my body and tear me apart, shredding my already broken innocence. I have been like that so long that the days when I still treated as a human seem far away- from a distant land or of a different person. But nostalgia still managed to bring back faded scenes in front of my eyes- a beautiful lady with kind eyes and lips shaped exactly as mine…A tall portly man bringing me balloons every evening, lifting me in his arms…a small cottage with a huge garden… A young boy teaching me how to speak his name properly…


But all these are swiped away as the reality hits sharp and cruel. I have been branded and priced like any other commodity in the market for sale. Some would give me more than what I asked for, and some would take away more than I could give away. I close my eyes so as to suppress the burning in the corners. I hated crying, especially when it was for me. Self sympathy never attracted me. I have remorse, regret and even anger in me…but sympathy died long ago. I have been around too long to let those emotions overpower me now.

It’s a little colder than yesterday, I think as my eyes follow the thin stream of sunlight pouring through the slit in the thick curtains. These secluded lanes are my world. These dirty rooms are my workstations. I look at the bundle of notes again. Much more than what I asked for. I stretch my arm across the bed and pick up the green bunch. This must be enough to afford that handbag I have been eyeing from a long time. As I run my thumb across the edge of notes, faces of our great leader swish by, smiling in a manner that did not seem so noble now. Money leers at me as I accept defeat. I get dressed and leave.

Oh My Dear Darkness...

Oh my dear darkness, the dwelling of the cruel


Defense of the cowards and fright of the brave


I wonder what lies in your mysterious folds


What secrets your anonymity holds






You brighten the palest of lights


And cover the dirtiest of plights


And yet you are feared by the audacious


And they cower behind their lifeless swords






Your velvety depths invite me forth


As I feel lost and defeated


Condemned for no reason by the ruthless world


You give me the long lost solace






What brightness could never achieve


You accomplish in a moment as I step into you


My doubts are vanished about the known


As unknown seems more promising than ever






You absorb my pain and blood without a reply


And accept my ugliness as beauty


You caress my hands with the soft breeze


And point at the twinkling stars


For now I understand the worth of life


Is not to find the blinding brightness


But to be always able to find the stars


And love them who show the way


Through the inky darkness….

Lost...

I lifted my head weakly as I saw her retreating figure, slowly blurring because of the mist and darkness surrounding her. At first I did not realise what was happening- was she really growing smaller and smaller with every passing moment? The thought scared me and I shut my eyes to ignore the harsh truth staring at my face. I wanted to drown back in my dream- beautiful and wonderful where we were together and laughing.My reluctance creeped up my arms, slowly binding me. My ego and pride about the fact that ours was an unbreakable relation pushed me deeper in my momentary comfort. Her scream, distant yet audible roused me from my slumber. She had stopped but I could not see her face anymore. She was reduced to a dark shadow just like the people who used to exist in my life and had left courtesy my behaviour. She was the last one left. I couldn't see her pain, she hid it from me and this fact slashed across my heart, tearing it into pieces. I tried to raise my and stop her as she started drifting away again but I failed against the bonds binding me. She moved away until she was lost in the darkness andmy worst nightmare came true. My eyes were heavy again, not with sleep but with tears. I lashed against the forces holding me hostage . But it was too late.