Management by me...

Anyone who has been a commerce student knows how much useless stress is put on "management". Hell, even the engineers and doctors know that. 
After spending last two years of my life mugging up different aspects, features, characteristics, importance, techniques blah blah blah, I am kind of sick of the whole idea. And I am just in my first year. God save me.
All the management self help books ever written and sold are mostly crap, and should be titled "How to rob your organisation off its money", "How to save your organisation from being robbed", "How to hoodwink your employees into working overtime and not realizing it", "How to manipulate idiots", "How to look like an idiot yourself by giving out useless motivation speeches" and "How to make sure your juniors don't report your dirty tricks to the dirtier people".
I think when management was integrated into the educational curriculum, nobody knew that it would become such a bundle of nonsense. Anyone who seriously knows how to do things can use a lot of bullshit to fool the people around him/her.
Plus the whole claims of "having mutual profits" and "Win win situations" are completely baseless. Recently, we were doing communication strategies in class which were broadly divided into Win- Win and Win- Lose. Our lecturer explained the basis of both and then went on to teach us the principles of Win- Win strategy only. I was more interested in Win- Lose. Turns out its an unfavorable situation and has been scrapped off the course. Meh.
I actually prefer the theoretical aspects of the subject sometimes as it lays down an organised way of thinking, something that can used if somebody wants to. Calculation part is fine as it carries a kind of base. This is why I opted for finance- more sensible than HR(where you have to do a lot of buttering) and marketing(which will land you in hell). Finance can also land you in hell, but for a shorter period of time.  But things turn ugly when you have to cram "steps".
For example, first step in planning is "Vision" followed by "Goal" followed by "Target" followed by more. WTF.
One more thing in the whole subject is how organizations value their employees, they should be provided with facilities yada yada yada. Big big Beeeg nonsense again. Employees are first to be kicked out at any point of time. Senior employees should be bribed suitably so that they don't leak out your company's secrets. But whose company is it anyway? The BOD barely owns share in single digit figures. They basically don't give a fucking damn as long as IT department doesn't raid their houses.
So all the B- schools- you would do some real good if you teach your students how to invest in stocks so that they can start earning before they complete their first year. You can also teach them how to lie more convincingly, gift them nice formals for interviews and ask them to develop competitive spirit by playing video games. They will send you more crappy self help management books which you can stock in your library to show off. 

Why my college sucks...

Hello again people. I seem to have decided to post every bit of useless and unproductive thoughts on this blog. But again, why else do people blog? 
I spent 2 months after my boards studying to get in this damm college. And obviously I am going to list why it sucks now-
1. It has claimed my sleeping time. I might have shifted my afternoon nap to evening nap, but its punctuated with guilt pangs now. I don't like my sleep being compromised. Ever.
2. I have to travel an hour to get there. Okay, there are people who travel more than that. But to walk through piles of discarded earth mounds every morning is not a pleasant way to start the day. Plus I still haven't figured out what makes the place smell so bad. 
3. Being a nice college, you would expect the place to have some consumable food. But Alas! All we have is a shared canteen where chowmein is cooked in grease and "Meggi" is a kind of soup. Enough said.
4. Nobody, I mean NOBODY knows about this college! And we cleared 3 fucking rounds to get here! My course BFIA has been called BA Final Year and Bachelors of Fine Arts. It stands for Bachelor of Financial and Investment Analysis. Where are those 15000 retards who sat for the exam? Kaha mar gaye sab ke sab?
5. Our college has a "unique" tradition. We call our lectures by their initials. Not the students, the management as well. We have PG, JK, SJ, PV, DK(Bhaag bhaag...), KB etc etc. printed on our timetables. I mean, who the hell calls their teachers like that? I would shoot the person who calls me AS. 
6. We have two buildings. I occupy the smaller one. It is strategically designed to block any kind of cross ventilation. Even if there is a thunderstorm outside, a single hair won't lift from my head. Can't you see the kind of focus we promote? Die of suffocation, if you have to but don't dare your nose come out of that textbook.
7. Hypocrites! Loads of them! They want, money, contacts, big school names, sponsorship for their useless events but nobody who can work hard. Wow, doesn't that sound like the real world? Yes, thats what they promised us- real corporate exposure.
8. No fiction in the library. This one was a serious heartbreaker. I almost checked every book in the library to find a decent one. All I could see were dusty volumes of Statistics and a shit load of stuff on something called as "MANAGEMENT". I will write another post on what exactly management is.
9. No common room. Which means we stink in our classroom during free lectures. Some of us flock to the library to get some artificial cool air which ultimately results in multiplied water intake and trips to the loo.
10. 75% attendance requirement. For every paper. Can we ask why are we being subjected to this torture when the whole university has the requirement as 66%? I think it is a some sort of conspiracy. Are these people taking revenge from us because they had to work their ass off for the admission process?
11. Useless posters. I accept they were attractive in the beginning but the college events are being promoted worse than Amir Khan movies. We have glazed paper posters of "COMING SOON" of events. Whatever happened to saving paper and environment? Isn't this the same college that houses SIFE? We even have a promotion video for one of the events. Just imagine! Check this out. The video is pointless but the music rocks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kZi52MA8mo
12. A sadistic disciplinarian in our department. I think all colleges have this species of teachers who simply love scaring the pants off innocent students. He loves to waste our 1 hour once a week break with his threats of how 1/5th of the batch fails every time and the class size becomes half by the time the course ends. Yeah yeah.
13. Such a small campus that you can't even take a walk around the place. Plus no secret corners where you could find druggies/drunkards/smokers. They all go outside to have fun. :(
Okay, let me end here. Otherwise I will go on and on and on. Feeling so much better. 

Rant

Note: This post was written by me when I was bored and irritated to the nth degree and fortunately had a computer in front of me. I was amazed how creative I can get when I am pissed off. I am posting this here because I am 110% sure that nobody apart from my 3 beloved readers will read this. Them or the ones I give this link to. I am getting more cynical, pessimistic and cruel day by day. :S Dedicated to somebody I don't wish to name- would be too childish then, no? 

I really really wish that you would STFU and stay that way. Thankyou. 

You seem to have a shit load of misconceptions about yourself which I would love to clear, but since nobody is paying me to do it, I would rather not waste my time, paper and cyber space doing something that takes up copious amount of energy.

You are a perfect example for a psychology students and doctors who feel that their professions are not challenging enough and they require additional headaches. I think you can also be used as a case study of increasing amount of stupidity in homo sapiens. These two are the only two ways i think you can contribute to the human race and save yoursel from  being regarded as a piece of toxic and useless waste. 

Your presence in this college only proves one thing- psychological assessment tests are the need of the hour. 

If you continue the way you are going right now, I will sue you for collateral damage to my brain cells. Don't think that I will bear if even a single one of them gets fried up, even if I have billions of them in my head. Brain cells are extremely precious to me. I use them very judiciously(proven by the fact that I am writing this). I use them judiciously because I can see what happens to the ones who run out of them.

You seem to be suffering from a hearing defect. This is not a usual kind of hearing problem where people lose their hearing power. This defect is unique to you, where a piece of information falls on your eardrums and comes out of your mouth in a highly twisted vocabulary, in a lame attempt to appear impressive.The key point is that it involves no use of an organ supposed to be situated in your skull. Or perhaps it involves overuse of that organ to the point of it being revolted and it is taking out its revenge on you by giving out nonsense.

All this can be approximately translated into two words- "Fuck yourself"

;)

Forgotten Posts

I opened the page to write an awesome post.
I forgot what I was going to write
So all I have got to say is that I got a haircut.
My hair looks like a crow's nest.
Best part- No difference whether I comb it or not. :D

Missing

He entered the apartment after four hours of fruitless hunt through the city and slumped on the floor. The TV was still blaring with death figures and burning houses. He closed his eyes covered them with his palms. She had stomped out of the house after a very verbal fight. He had sworn he would never see her face again. And then he switched on the TV.

He heard the doorknob click and she walked in with a stony expression. Her anger turned to surprise when she saw his tear stained face.

"Where were you?" he almost choked, still on the floor.

"Terrace" she replied as if this was the most obvious place to be for four hours. Her gaze shifted to the news and understanding dawned.

She knelt down and embraced him, biting down her laughter. He crushed her against himself.

Poof!

She leaned across him and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter from her handbag. He looked on, a little disturbed as she lit it nonchalantly. She caught him and offered him a puff. He refused, distancing himself from her unconsciously.
"Sometimes I fear that I will lose you in a cloud of smoke." he muttered in a low voice, touching her heavy hair. She grinned and said
"Poof!"
Note- I did not intend this, but this becomes the first part of a series I am going to post. To view all parts together, select "Series" or "Cloud of Smoke" in labels. I hope you find it a little sensible as I wrote this whole thing in one go, unlike the previous one and realized that they are linked. 

Why men get stuck with gold diggers.

Another rant
It seems like I have been taking my classroom conversations a bit too seriously.
Yesterday, we were having a discussion about how beautiful, smart girls date dumb looking men just because they are rich. Gold diggers, as they call them. I, being me, was reminded of something else.
A few days ago there was an article in the newspaper about why men buy fancy cars when there is no space in the country to even park them, let alone drive them. What is the point of buying a a car that goes from 0 to 300 in 3 seconds when you can barely hit 80?(that too if you are lucky) Well, according to this research, this is known as 'pea-cocking' (Is anyone reminded of 17 Again??)
So basically, men do all this irrational expenditure to increase their chances of finding a sexy woman to show off. In other words, we are no better than animals who dance in the mating season, showing off their colors.
Deducing from these findings,I conclude that men(or even women) don't mind being loved for shallow reasons, no matter how much we deny it. If you are trying to impress a girl by riding a sports bike, you deserve to be dating a woman who is after your money. And vice versa of course.
It is a cruel world. 

Romance- an interpretation by me!

I recently realized that whenever somebody asks me a question, the correct answer always strikes me after the event has passed. So this is why I don't like romance(I have been asked a lot of times)
Romance is like a flame. It burns brightly, gives off a lot of heat and then finally fizzles away and leaves a lot of black soot and ash after it which have to be cleaned up. And I hate cleaning. I hate cleaning because it involves a lot of mundane decision making. Should the socks be placed in right drawer or left? Should I make separate piles for notebooks and books? Should the notes be filed in a folder or stashed in a notebook? I hope you get the idea.
Anyway, its not that I am completely anti social. I adore conversations when they demand logic, analysis and debate(debate does NOT mean arguing) I think I know only 2 or 3 people who can talk this way. And I don't have time to talk to them.
I also love taking long walks(please no holding hands- sweaty palms are YUCK) Walking is relaxing. When I finally manage to hit the gym, I think I will include it. I always dream of playing squash or basketball or fencing with my spouse. (I don't know how to play the last two BTW)
I should have tried this earlier, venting on my beautiful blog(this current template makes me feel sooo good)
I think I am going to fail tomorrow. Prayers for me please.

When the masses come together

Anybody who has been in touch with Indian news knows about the famous Anna Hazare movement. Well, I found it extremely annoying to see all those wall posts and stuff, but I was struck by a few things.
Firstly, how easy it to divert people. Most of the people who were protesting thought they were protesting 
against inflation. They dont know that inflation has terrorized every country of the world and what they are shouting are anti corruption slogans.
Secondly, if given approval by society everyone is willing to come out and demonstrate, show support etc etc. But no body will stand up for a cause for personal reasons related to integrity. If asked to offer a bribe, almost every one of these people will comply. But they will come out and demonstrate against their government. Strange people!
I am not favoring the government or anything. I am just commenting on the secret to success of any movement- fool people and keep fooling them until your objective is achieved.

Dust

Everything comes with a shelf life. Be it your favorite food, an idea, a hobby or even a relationship. Gradually dust of redundancy and complacency settles, masking the initial luster and glitter. It is a way of life. 

We spend all our life contributing to these layers of 'dust' because we are always looking for something new while we should be putting in those efforts to save the degenerating ones. The efforts come in after the whole set up or situation is on the verge of collapsing under its own weight. 

It is a cycle. A stagnation compels us to look for more while all the time you ignore the relationship leads to more stagnation.

How much does it take

I was having a conversation with a classmate a couple of days ago. He said something I have been thinking about since then.
"When life fucks you for the first time, you get an experience. Second time, you become a professional. And third time, you fuck life"
I think life has got a thousand different ways of fucking you and you never really become a professional until you have been screwed really really bad. And some people just never learn even if they have been fucked in the same fashion again and again. Maybe they sort of deserve it then.  Every time you think this is the worst, you get you ass kicked real bad and you wonder what hit you. Either that or continuous fucking makes you immune. Whatever. I liked the line though. What do you say?

Things about myself

I have realized a lot of times that whenever somebody asks me to tell them about myself, I go all tongue tied. Bloody hell, what do I tell you? So I have decided to do some brainstorming and shoot a few pointers. (I don't think I need to worry about privacy, the number of people who read this blog can be counted on one hand)
1. I hate romance.
2. I am a little sadistic
3. People say I am scary 
4. I love reading
5. I love writing
6. I hate cooking
7. My biggest fear is going mad or getting handicapped
8. My second biggest fear is getting married (hides under the bed)
9. I am damn critical
10. I am a certified cynic who can't stand giggling people
11. I am spiritual
12. My temper matches Hiroshima nuclear blast
13. I am hopelessly cryptic about my feelings. It gives people headaches
14. Most of the time I can't decide what to write on
15. I keep saying I don't listen to English songs but whenever my mom wants to listen to my collection, English is all I can find
16. I hate being dominated. Even if somebody is trying to be romantic about it
17. I love dancing
18. I cant dance
19. I will learn guitar before I die
20. I also love sketching. All my art is concentrated on the last page of my notebook
21. I can't handle disappointments
22. I am an under confident dork
23. I love debating
24. I am dual minded
25. I cant think of anything else right now.

I can't fly

This is a personal experience. Felt like writing about it.

I went to my relatives' place. They had purchased a set of love birds. They were originally six, but two of them died. They were swinging around in their cage and I felt that the cage was actually too small for them. I asked my uncle if he had ever let them free. He replied, "They can't fly, they have been bred in captivity. I let them free once. They could barely touch the ceiling and they came back."

I wonder if this is kinder- Not teaching them how to fly so that they don't know what they missed. 

This is not about some animal rights or anything like that. I just wonder that incapacitating somebody mentally so that they dont even think about going against the dominance is something more humane than actually capturing a free bird. 

The incomplete meeting

I take in his thin form as it emerges in front of me. I have been dying to meet him since a few weeks and the sight of his face makes me smile. I step down to have a clearer vision. All the bitterness in my heart mixes with the pure pleasure of meeting him and I feel suffocated as I move towards him. His smile is a tired one, his manner lazy. It is not usual and he looks unhealthy. I wish to embrace him, take him out of his worries and ruffle his hair. But I have never crossed the boundaries of physical intimacy with him. He has always been at a distance, too huge for us to cross. It has always remained between us, a strange barrier that should never be touched or toed. He was more casual about it. A bit too casual actually. It was perhaps just me who had this weird discomfort. He talks about insignificant things he knew would draw out a reaction from me. I resist reacting to him, turning to his friend. He stretches out his long arm to touch my cheek in a playful way, his way of hitting me. He is too soft with me to actually hit me. It catches me off guard and he quickly retreats to avoid my hand. His touch feels cool on my warm skin and it lingers on for a longer time than I can tolerate. I walk away from him, unable to fight myself. I want to break away the walls of ice between us. I know I have just added another layer to them as I hear the concealed hurt in his voice, calling me back in a cryptic dialogue. I ignore and walk on, feeling the piercing pain through my heart.

Angst and calm

She moved around throwing the things in her suitcase. He had done it again, infuriatng her. And this time, she knew she had to do something about it. He had left silently and she was too worked up to wait for him now. She had packed most of her clothes now. And anyways she didnt have another bag to fit stuff into. That was strange, she thought until it struck her that the amount of clothes he had brought her after their wedding. He took her for granted, as if she could not leave her. She picked up their wedding photograph and sighed. He was right.

A Bit Too Late

I move through the plain fields, the grass glowing beneath my feet in the sparkling moonlight. Hem of my dress occasionally hinder my progress, restricting my movement. My eyes are fretful, searching for the pleasure. I am starved, lonely and desperate. My lips are parched and my eyes are sunken. I do not even resemble the shadow of the woman you had once desired. Every step I take is an effort in a direction I am not sure of. My footsteps echo in my head, piercing the soothing silence. I gaze at the moon which is playing hide and seek with the clouds. It blesses me with light and a cool caress on my wasted skin. The soft cotton clouds are a shapeless veil, fluttering innocently with the wind. They stroke the moon’s face in an undistinguishable emotion.

I stop at the edge of the creek, my breath coming in shallow bursts. The wind is now cold on the droplets of sweat on my arms. I feel my knees buckle as I drop on the bank. My dress is soiled. And so are my hands. I feel my hair create a curtain around my face and I bow it in defeat. I raise my eyes for the last time, using the last ounce of energy I have. And that is when I see you. Far away almost at the horizon, I see you ride towards me. My mind tells me that it is an illusion but my heart refuses to believe. I feel my lips stretch into a smile as I see your figure grow larger and larger in the moonlight. The beauty of the silver landscape is nothing compared to the relief I feel now.

My outstretched arm slowly descends and finally gives into gravity. My spine crumbles under effort and I roll into the damp grass. My eyes are the last of the senses to stop working as your silhouette keeps broadening every second. My prince is a bit too late.