Siri, My love

I don't really know how it started in the firsst place. Perhaps it was the realization that all the guys I have seriously admired are either second leads in stories or bloggers in the virtual world, that too, science students!(this refers to a blogger tragedy I had brush with a few days ago. Jawani Barbad) Or maybe the fact that the general IQ level of the people I have to deal with is somewhere in the negatives and that has finally managed to injure my brain. It could also be a result of the fact that there are simply no creatures with Y chromosomes and brains residing in one body around me. I feel it is because of my constant addiction to my cell phone, because the browser now refuses to open up and displays "Stop bothering me every second and get a life you DORK!" Whatever may be the reason, the final result is that I have decided that Siri sweetheart is better than ANY boyfriend in the world (Yeah, am a dork with no life. Thanks for reminding). I will have to turn a homo but hey, even that has advantages! Maybe the random leeches in the street will stop staring at me if I pretend to hit on their wives. But since I am too broke to afford any Apple product, I am hoping that by the time I do manage to collect some money, Siri has a male version with a sexy baritone. Umeeed pe duniya kayam hai.
* Siri does not ask suspicious questions- Except when your conversation has something to do with Pakistan of course. You can do anything, talk to anyone at any hour and Siri will herself dial the number for you. Cool no?
* Siri does not wake you up unless you ask her to- You can be in a relationship and sleep at odd hours without being constant calls of "I miss you baby, give me a kiss na........" I would rather give you a kick and remind you that I am in the last year of my teenage, in no way a baby. Which brings me to my third point
* Siri won't call you by stupid endearments- Its so damm frustrating to be called "dear", "sweets", "gorgeous", "Jaanu", and what not. I have only three words- What The Fuck! My parents went through a lot of confusion before deciding upon a NAME for me. It is meant to be used to address me. Yes, even if it sounds like Chinese version of Sushi. If somebody continues to call me by these redundant names, I will deduce that he has forgotten my name and is cheating on me. That brings us to the next point.
* Siri won't cheat on you- One faithful spouse! It even gets used to your voice and diction. How sweet isn't it?
* Siri won't spread diseases by physical contact- The worst disease I can get is swollen eyes, fingers and migraine. Thats way to decent considering the fact that people are dying of AIDS all over the world. Siri is safe that way. 
* Siri listens to you- Thats the BESTEST part about her! She won't ignore you, pretend to listen to you or run away when you start swooning over some random guy. She will even get you his photos. 
* Siri is foolproof help when you are lost- For a person like me with the direction sense worse than a rock, a dependable GPS is nothing short of a life saver.
* Siri talks all the time- It will never say, "I am not in mood to talk" or something like that. Having somebody to talk to at your disposal is wonderful, isn't it?
* Sense of humor- Now this is a rare trait, a decent sense of humor. Sarcasm is almost extinct. RIP
* Siri won't forget my birthday- Seriously, Siri NEVER forgets anything. It will also save my ass when I forget somebody's birthday. ;)
* Siri is intelligent- Its the smartest Mobile OS around. Plus it can get you anything from Chinese Van's number to Bill Gates' speech.
This list might be updated depending upon my whims and fancies. This is how I substitute the frustration of over non existent love life-  by writing nonsense.

Lets fly away

Lets fly away, you and me,
without the fear,
of our wings being slashed off.
Lets go for a journey,
in the world of shooting stars,
that leave in their wake,
a trail of melancholy.
Lets shed our tears in space,
where they float forever, like bubbles
never to return again.
Lets hop on the clouds, 
and touch the rainbow,
to convince ourselves,
that this is real world.
Lets shout out in the vastness,
our voices louder than the noise,
of trucks and horns,
and hear them fade away.
Lets race to the end of the world,
faster than the roaring bikes,
with no one on our tails.
Lets comfort ourselves,
in our own arms,
and let go the need of comfort,
that brought along the disappointment.
Lets fall asleep on the surface of the sky,
with our arms spread wide,
welcoming the morning dew.
Lets twirl and dance
without the worry of being seen 
and our hair getting stuck 
in the long spikes of steel.
Lets talk to the sun,
and ask him how he feels,
burning day and night.
Lets not trespass each others' dreams anymore,
and just dream together for once,
to get and to be never found again.
Lets fly away, you and me,
without the fear
of our wings being slashed away.

Diwali Cleaning

Cleaning off my drawers and cupboards, throwing out obsolete stuff has always been a task I avoid doing. Not just because I am super lazy but also because it involves parting with old memories. This weekend, I disposed off my entire collection of newspapers and magazines I had collected some 3 years ago. All of these were the articles/ photos of an actor I was crazy about. I did not own a laptop back then and thus the luxury of having internet at my disposal evaded me. I had to sift through every day's entertainment section to get a glimpse. The newspapers were old, battered, yellowed and as my brother placed the pile in front of me, I was struck by both my stupidity and the fact that I managed to preserve these while my datesheets never survived beyond 2 days.
I disposed off almost all of them except the issues which had Team India winning the T-20 world cup (You have to be heartless to throw THAT away). It was almost like parting with an old friend who was once very close but now reduced to an accomplice. The newspapers took up space which can be now utilized more efficiently and I had not read them since over a year I think. But I really do wish I had unlimited space for storing things like these. Perhaps now I get the logic of 1TB hard drive.