Tired

Embraced by the fading spring as her lone companion

For sympathy she has a broken dandelion

Walking past the familiar paths in her usual stride

She silently nursed her discredited pride

She was tired of running after shooting stars

And admiring the beauty of colorful flowers

For they, like her, faded into oblivion

Leaving everything around like a failure

The ocher sky would not bleed for her

The drifting clouds would not cry

The moon was too far to hear her out

And the tall trees would not try

Was dependence a sin, she wonders 

As the world around her crumbles

To seek a shoulder seemed foolish

And the bleak signs of hope seemed to vanish

Losing Myself

The words, uttered almost carelessly, sunk in slowly leaving in their wake an unexplainable chill. I felt my senses going numb momentarily before regaining control and rushing out to avoid embarrassment. It was strange that as much as I wanted you to understand my each and every reaction and emotion, I prayed sincerely that you had not noticed the magnitude of effect you were inflicting upon me. I felt totally helpless and incapacitated as I waited desperately for your minutest form of attention or even acknowledgement, knowing that it meant nothing to you. The obsession had taken its toll over me and I wondered how long it would be till I am packed up to a mental asylum for erratic behavior. Your mere presence is a bruise on my self confidence over my practicality and intelligence. I hate it when I catch myself wondering what I should wear today as you would be coming. I hate myself when I listen to a song and the first face that comes to my mind is yours. I hate it when I wake up in the morning and realize that I had been dreaming of you for the whole night. I really hate it when I find that you have occupied a considerable space in my mind which is challenging my sanity and my own character. The way you were twisting my life through your fingers was maddening.

I wondered what would have happened had I been a normal teenage girl who was pretty and emotional instead of being cynical and complicated and you were the guy she wanted and got easily. Just like a perfect story. I think that would have been quite boring and I, being me, would have lost interest in a couple of dates and dumped you for my best friends brother or vice versa. This sounded more painful than the situation I am in now. It seems somehow comforting to blame destiny or believe in nonsense like waiting for the right one as it eases the pain and burden off my already tired shoulders. I close my eyes to look at my future which had never included you. It seemed like somebody had spilled water over my perfect image.

Falling for you was never the part of the grand plan. I was happy with faceless life partner I had placed in my dreams just to fill the void in my future like my friends did. I had dropped the option of being lovable long ago and chosen being correct.

I do not know how you managed to wreck my life royally in a few meetings. But I really want to give you a punch in that handsome face knowing that I would have to nurse it over.

Such is life. Sigh.

Waiting for a stranger

You walk past me with a smile on your lips

I wonder silently if it was for me

You take a seat different from your usual one

I wish you did this to be with me

Every time you opened your mouth to say something

I prayed it would be a greeting for me

Knowing the fact that my emotions will assault me for hours

And result in swollen sleepless eyes the next day

I still try to gain your attention

I sneak a glance at you every 3^rd second

And look away the moment you move

And yet fail to understand how and why

Am I being controlled by a complete stranger?

Defeated by love

Her hurt expression burns my soul

Her withheld tears threaten to suffocate me

In a world of hypocrisy and impermanence

Where old relations are quickly given way

For the new and striking ones

Leaving the people behind them

Shattered with a handful of memories

She refuses my condolences

And rejects my company

To take refuge in her loneliness

And wait for time to heal wounds.

Sometimes I wish

Sometimes, during desperate moments I just wish you would understand the person


hidden behind the veils of laughter

and your arms would come around to comfort me

of the endless, senseless pain

caused strangely by your indifference....

Sometimes when the void threatens to consume me

And your absence takes its toll

Above everybody’s presence

I just wish that for a few moments I could call back

The times when we could talk about ourselves

Instead of the whole world around us.

Sometimes when the depth of the ocean mocks

The sea of tears held up inside me

I wish you would just appear and let me cry on your shoulder

Just for once

And let me break down oblivious

To the self erected bounds of loneliness.

Sometimes when life looks down and me and guffaws

At the moments when I neglected to care for you

When you were still there

I wish you would walk in from the doorway

And tell me that it is never too late

Sometimes when the chords of some lost song

Falls upon my ears

I close my eyes and pray that you could feel

The melancholy and for once feel the same way as I do

Sometimes when I come across happiness

I crave for your company

To make it meaningful and worth recollecting.

Sometimes when I feel that we were so meant to be

Yet always distant, separated by an invisible force

I curse myself for my helplessness

And ask for a chance to make you smile.

Sometimes when I trip across the laughing face of yours when we last met

I wish I could have somehow

Stolen that moment from the stream of time

Kept it safe in my heart forever.

Love died a thousand deaths...

Love died a thousand deaths

On the day you betrayed me
For the moment that separated us
Froze for eternity

Your fading footsteps roared in my ears
And were echoes of the dreaded end
Your cold eyes bore into mine
Crushing the trust they held for you
And left the questions unanswered
What have I done not to deserve you?

Love died a thousand deaths
On the day you betrayed me
For the sky that witnessed my torn heart
Cried for days ceaselessly
My soul trapped in the burning quagmire
Of confusion and pain howled your name
My every feeling shattered by your treachery
My every hope dampened

For love died a thousand deaths
On the day you betrayed me
The ground that bore my trembling weight
Is still afraid to let lovers walk over it
As they hold hands and dream on for a future
That may never even exist

The crumpled heap of flowers
are still lying on the fork
Where we parted ways
Never to meet again

My heart is still beating
In the hope of your return
If not forever then just moment
With the same affection reflected in your
And that can be the last thing I have to see
In this ever fateful life….

[P.S. most dramatic post of the lot, this was concieved while I was reading an update of a highly melodramic TV serial... :D]

Nothing matters...

Her eyes followed his feet as he circled the sacred fire and with every passing moment, her thought process slowed down. He stopped and allowed his bride take the lead as instructed by the priest. She had never seen him look so serious in his whole life while he concentrated upon the ceremonies but his eyes glittered with happiness. They completed the rounds and settled down for the rituals. He caught her eye and flashed her a grin which she unconsciously returned. His smile was always worth returning. The only reason why she was standing here all dressed up even as her heart cried and wailed. Her eyes were dry and her smile was genuine- watching her best friend getting married to the love of his life- someone for whom he had suffered so much, someone for whom he had longed since he was a teenager- was more painful than she expected it to be.



She was the one who had convinced her parents into giving him a chance to prove him- and he did! She was the one who decorated their nuptial bedroom and selected his outfit for the wedding. But in all this happiness, he had forgotten to look into her eyes see the tornado of feelings inside them. She had scheduled a meeting for his wedding day so as to present a believable excuse for missing the marriage. When he had heard of it, he gave her a long appraising look and said in a cold voice, “You- will miss my wedding? Very nice…”


She looked at him helplessly as he shrugged and continued with the newspaper. After a few moments of silence, he declared, “I don’t care how you manage; I want you here on 22nd December for sure.”


And here she was, unable to ignore him, watching the love of her life exchange vows with his love. Her mother came and stood beside her and whispered in her ear, “Are you alright?”


She glanced and her and did not reply. She sensed it and held her hand reassuringly as he tied the mangalsutra around her neck, binding them together for life.


“If he is happy, nothing else matters…” she thought years later as she played with his son.