How much does it take

I was having a conversation with a classmate a couple of days ago. He said something I have been thinking about since then.
"When life fucks you for the first time, you get an experience. Second time, you become a professional. And third time, you fuck life"
I think life has got a thousand different ways of fucking you and you never really become a professional until you have been screwed really really bad. And some people just never learn even if they have been fucked in the same fashion again and again. Maybe they sort of deserve it then.  Every time you think this is the worst, you get you ass kicked real bad and you wonder what hit you. Either that or continuous fucking makes you immune. Whatever. I liked the line though. What do you say?

Things about myself

I have realized a lot of times that whenever somebody asks me to tell them about myself, I go all tongue tied. Bloody hell, what do I tell you? So I have decided to do some brainstorming and shoot a few pointers. (I don't think I need to worry about privacy, the number of people who read this blog can be counted on one hand)
1. I hate romance.
2. I am a little sadistic
3. People say I am scary 
4. I love reading
5. I love writing
6. I hate cooking
7. My biggest fear is going mad or getting handicapped
8. My second biggest fear is getting married (hides under the bed)
9. I am damn critical
10. I am a certified cynic who can't stand giggling people
11. I am spiritual
12. My temper matches Hiroshima nuclear blast
13. I am hopelessly cryptic about my feelings. It gives people headaches
14. Most of the time I can't decide what to write on
15. I keep saying I don't listen to English songs but whenever my mom wants to listen to my collection, English is all I can find
16. I hate being dominated. Even if somebody is trying to be romantic about it
17. I love dancing
18. I cant dance
19. I will learn guitar before I die
20. I also love sketching. All my art is concentrated on the last page of my notebook
21. I can't handle disappointments
22. I am an under confident dork
23. I love debating
24. I am dual minded
25. I cant think of anything else right now.

I can't fly

This is a personal experience. Felt like writing about it.

I went to my relatives' place. They had purchased a set of love birds. They were originally six, but two of them died. They were swinging around in their cage and I felt that the cage was actually too small for them. I asked my uncle if he had ever let them free. He replied, "They can't fly, they have been bred in captivity. I let them free once. They could barely touch the ceiling and they came back."

I wonder if this is kinder- Not teaching them how to fly so that they don't know what they missed. 

This is not about some animal rights or anything like that. I just wonder that incapacitating somebody mentally so that they dont even think about going against the dominance is something more humane than actually capturing a free bird. 

Spilled Wine And Broken Bottles

Spilled wine and broken bottles
Half torn love letters
Dusty sketches and abandoned colors
Black and white closed shutters


Faded laughter hangs around the place
The walls are marked by an old young face
But the curtains sing of arguments
And the glass doors reflect the cracks and dents


The dreams have gone for a hike on the moon
Every night they promise to return soon
The vows are still set
And grin from the shining photo frame


The sun shines through the windows 
Every moment waits and borrows
Its warmth until its dark again
To shiver through rains of disdain

The incomplete meeting

I take in his thin form as it emerges in front of me. I have been dying to meet him since a few weeks and the sight of his face makes me smile. I step down to have a clearer vision. All the bitterness in my heart mixes with the pure pleasure of meeting him and I feel suffocated as I move towards him. His smile is a tired one, his manner lazy. It is not usual and he looks unhealthy. I wish to embrace him, take him out of his worries and ruffle his hair. But I have never crossed the boundaries of physical intimacy with him. He has always been at a distance, too huge for us to cross. It has always remained between us, a strange barrier that should never be touched or toed. He was more casual about it. A bit too casual actually. It was perhaps just me who had this weird discomfort. He talks about insignificant things he knew would draw out a reaction from me. I resist reacting to him, turning to his friend. He stretches out his long arm to touch my cheek in a playful way, his way of hitting me. He is too soft with me to actually hit me. It catches me off guard and he quickly retreats to avoid my hand. His touch feels cool on my warm skin and it lingers on for a longer time than I can tolerate. I walk away from him, unable to fight myself. I want to break away the walls of ice between us. I know I have just added another layer to them as I hear the concealed hurt in his voice, calling me back in a cryptic dialogue. I ignore and walk on, feeling the piercing pain through my heart.

Who are you

Who are you, I ask the woods
As I run through them into the dark
Trying to follow your airy lead
I run through the ivy ropes and leaves


You graze by me, swiftly, roughly,
I falter, I fall, I lift myself up,
And ask your soothing scent that hangs
Like a cloud of smoke in the air


Who are you, I plead as I swirl,
Trying to find color in water
Trying to catch clouds in my fist
Trying to fly away to the sky...


I am the dream that perches on your window
As you look for me in the world of fantasies
I am like death, inevitable,
Yet so complicated, so uncertain,
I feel you breath in my heart
It cuts through me, hurting me,
Yet I hang around you like a trance,
Never to be found, in this life...

Incapable

He closed his eyes as the breeze ruffled his hair. It was a beautiful night, away from city lights and honking cars. He barely had moments to relish his solitude when he heard her approach. Landing into the reality with a bang, he turned around to face her and realized that even she had not been expecting him to be there. The usual awkwardness crept up as she smiled and walked to the railing of the balcony, to avoid being rude. He took a deep breath and wondered if she would wait for a few moments like she normally did before coming up with a perfect excuse and run away to the other corner of the house.
She was silent tonight he realized after full five minutes. He looked around at her to see her standing perfectly still with her small hands clutching the railing. Her head was bowed and her tresses shielded her face from view. He was tempted to wipe them off, hold her romantically and utter some nonsense. That was exactly what was expected out of a newly married couple right? But it wasn't something he and his wife would be spotted doing. Except if both of them got heavily drunk that is. He was not even sure if his wife would actually get drunk even after consuming twice amount of alcohol than him. He decided to intervene now. Over ten minutes of silence was weird.
"Are you, I mean, do you like this place?"
She looked up at him with her normal poker face and nodded before closing her eyes. 
"What were you thinking?" He almost slapped himself mentally for asking that. It was a very personal question which he knew wouldn't be answered truthfully anyways. He was in for a surprise though.
"I was thinking if we could ever fall in love."
He leaned on the railing, dumbstruck. 
"I would love to you know." He answered, now looking at the stars.
"I would love to fall for you like I have no idea what love is. I would love to feel all the happiness." He spoke without looking at her.
"But it is so scary, isn't it? To imagine what could come afterwards." She completed. She was speaking as though she was reading from the stars.
"How simple and beautiful it would have been if I had met you when I was 18, somewhere in my college library."
"Yeah that would be nice I guess. I wonder if you would fight me if I tried to take away the last copy of the book you so desperately wanted to read."
"Well, back then I would probably try to act all nice and woo you for a coffee."
"That would be too obvious and boring, don't you think? By the way I never dated in college."
"Well, simple and obvious is what we are looking for right now, isn't it?"
He saw her lips stretch into a bittersweet smile. They both had their demons, surfacing at the most vulnerable moments and claiming their small moments of indulgence. He had seen her eyes glaze in attraction to be replaced by the strange hesitancy. Same was the case with him. 
They were a perfect pair, incapable of breaking their shells to reach out to what was truly their.